Today's article is on breaking sentences. This can also be taken further into breaking paragraphs, scenes, chapters, and even the structure of the whole book.
I'll stick to sentences and paragraphs.
Being able to rework sentence structure is one of the most valuable syntax skills a writer has. Mastery produces prose with a differing structure so the text doesn't become repetitive. It creates a mood or atmosphere critical to visualizing the scene. It's also bloody difficult.
See what I did there?
Anyway. The English language is basically a subject-verb-direct object language. I recommend you keep it that way. Things become interesting and varied with the introduction of prepositions. However, if a sentence is kept to mostly S-V-DO, than the percentage of each in the sentence will determine how the sentence sounds and what the sentence puts emphasis on.
Mostly S:
The president of Richard's Insult Emporium spoke to Mary.
Mostly V:
Richard took the time and effort to speak to Mary.
Mostly DO:
Richard spoke to an incredibly disagreeable woman he knew as Mary.
Now you're probably wondering, "Well, how do I know when I should consider shattering something?" The answer is simple: it sounds wrong or it's confusing. That's about it. To tell, I recommend speaking what you're writing or have written. There's a good reason why writers say to write your first draft, edit it, and then speak the entire thing aloud. It makes all the difference.
Thinking something sounds wrong is highly subjective, though there are a few things you should always try to avoid such as passive voice, run-on sentences, to-be-verbs, excess commas, and such like. I also have a particular hatred for adverbs. I have an article for that. :3
Let us take an excerpt from Ron Miller's Silk and Steel.*
I'll stick to sentences and paragraphs.
Being able to rework sentence structure is one of the most valuable syntax skills a writer has. Mastery produces prose with a differing structure so the text doesn't become repetitive. It creates a mood or atmosphere critical to visualizing the scene. It's also bloody difficult.
See what I did there?
Anyway. The English language is basically a subject-verb-direct object language. I recommend you keep it that way. Things become interesting and varied with the introduction of prepositions. However, if a sentence is kept to mostly S-V-DO, than the percentage of each in the sentence will determine how the sentence sounds and what the sentence puts emphasis on.
Mostly S:
The president of Richard's Insult Emporium spoke to Mary.
Mostly V:
Richard took the time and effort to speak to Mary.
Mostly DO:
Richard spoke to an incredibly disagreeable woman he knew as Mary.
Now you're probably wondering, "Well, how do I know when I should consider shattering something?" The answer is simple: it sounds wrong or it's confusing. That's about it. To tell, I recommend speaking what you're writing or have written. There's a good reason why writers say to write your first draft, edit it, and then speak the entire thing aloud. It makes all the difference.
Thinking something sounds wrong is highly subjective, though there are a few things you should always try to avoid such as passive voice, run-on sentences, to-be-verbs, excess commas, and such like. I also have a particular hatred for adverbs. I have an article for that. :3
Let us take an excerpt from Ron Miller's Silk and Steel.*
Then, as quickly as a balloon inflated at a vendor's tank, and with much the same hiss and squeak, the gryphon was as large as a Great Dane. Bronwyn felt the recoil from a sharp glance of molten copper eyes, before a final burst flung the monster to its full height, far above her head. She held breath and heart still in utter, utter awe. …
Its steel claws had enveloped her like a cage when, with a shriek like a steam locomotive, the gryphon disintegrated. Bronwyn was scooped from the earth, tumbling into a huge, soft hollow, and the pit of her stomach wrenched with the sensation of rising rapidly. She looked up and for the one dizzying moment before she lost consciousness she saw, towering above her like a mountain, the abundant, boundless, heaven-crowned figure of Thud Mollockle.
Firstly, I would like to point out the importance of character names. I don't care who the character is. If he's named "Thud Mollockle" no one will take him seriously. Ever.
Now that I have that out of my system, let us begin. So much of this can be removed I think it's silly any writer would actually find this acceptable. However, I will get over it for the sake of this article. This is the part people who have received my critiques wait for. Destruction.
I would write the first paragraph much like this:
Now that I have that out of my system, let us begin. So much of this can be removed I think it's silly any writer would actually find this acceptable. However, I will get over it for the sake of this article. This is the part people who have received my critiques wait for. Destruction.
I would write the first paragraph much like this:
The gryphon hissed. Something popped and it expanded to the size of a Great Dane. Molten copper eyes shot a glare at Bronwyn. She recoiled, knees trembling. With a final roar, the monster burst to its full height, casting a long shadow over the woman. Bronwyn's breath caught in her throat. She craned her neck back to stare at the colossal creature in awe.
Bronwyn stood captivated as the gryphon enveloped her with its claws. Then it disintegrated with a shriek. Her stomach wrenched as something flung her into the air like a doll and for a single moment before she lost consciousness, she saw the towering, boundless figure of Richard Gasquet.
I'm sorry. I could not bear to type that ridiculous name again.
Together, they become this. This is where I focus on sentence order:
Together, they become this. This is where I focus on sentence order:
The gryphon hissed. Something popped and it expanded to the size of a Great Dane. Molten copper eyes shot a glare at Bronwyn. She recoiled, knees trembling. With a final roar, the monster burst to its full height. Eagle's wings stretched to their full breadth, casting a long shadow over her.
Bronwyn stood captivated as the gryphon enveloped her with its claws. Then it disintegrated with a shriek. Her stomach wrenched as something flung her into the air like a doll and for a single moment before she lost consciousness, she saw the towering, boundless figure of Richard Gasquet.
Notice how I removed and rewrote an entire sentence. I'm satisfied with it as it is, though I could probably do better if I knew the actual plot behind this silly thing.
Do not be afraid to slice sentences apart. For some people, it might help to make flash cards with the subject, verb, and direct object on each so you can move them around. It is good training. Practice writing in different formats. Vary sentence lengths to aid the tension or mood of a scene.
*I do not own the book nor have I read the thing. I've only seen a few pages posted on the internet a couple years ago. Those pages have been removed, but this excerpt remains. I find it endlessly hilarious.
Do not be afraid to slice sentences apart. For some people, it might help to make flash cards with the subject, verb, and direct object on each so you can move them around. It is good training. Practice writing in different formats. Vary sentence lengths to aid the tension or mood of a scene.
*I do not own the book nor have I read the thing. I've only seen a few pages posted on the internet a couple years ago. Those pages have been removed, but this excerpt remains. I find it endlessly hilarious.